The other night my husband told me that he doesn't think he was ever happy in our marriage and that I'm not what he wants anymore. I've been feeling some peace and hope and acceptance in my heart. I know that I will be okay at the other side of all this. I know that I will love someone and they will love me back, I just don't know if it will be with my husband or not. And it's all because of my Higher Power and the people and program of AA. If I did not have AA, even if I didn't pick up a drink over this, I would be incapacitated with anger, fear, hurt etc.
I have been praying and asking my Higher Power for guidance and I was actually able to feel sorry for my husband. What a coincidence that his father walked out on him and his mother when he was the same age as my son. What a coincidence that his mother's miserable behavior and unwillingness and inability to work anything out with her husband resulted in him first drinking too much and then leaving.
I'm sad that my husband never resolved his father's leaving and the role his mother played in all that. He has a lot of contempt towards his mother and I think contempt toward himself for being like his mother. I wish that he had a program like I do and a network of people that will help him through. I wish that he had faith that his Higher Power has a plan for him and that we will all be okay.
When I pray to my Higher Power for guidance and peace and love, I pray for the same thing for my husband. I'm okay right now in this minute, in this day.
6 comments:
Life on life's terms.
that's how we do it sometimes...right now, this minute, this day. thank you for sharing about acceptance.
you've got a good heart. i don't know if i could have such nice wishes for my husband at this stage. but you have the right approach, acceptance must come sooner or later in order to get over it. stay stong my friend!
I feel your pain. My wife filed for divorce on my 4th anniversary. I did get through it, and you will too.
Just one day at a time, we can get through anything.
Clarity, my gurl friend, you are showing all of us the willingness to stay sober despite the yucky things that happen in our lives. What a miracle, a blessing you are!
A sponsor I had years ago used to tell me that if what I wanted most in life didn't work out, it was because God had better plans for me. Maybe it sounds trite to you, but it really did get me through some very tough times in recovery.
I hope knowing you are not alone will help you to feel loved today.
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