I don't like being alone with my own thoughts. It's like being alone with a crazy person. I'm too early in sobriety to be in that scary place. Yesterday and today I was really really crazy. I was angry, sad, scared, anxious...because I don't like what is going on with my marriage and I don't know what the near or distant future holds. Somehow I had lost all of my faith. The opposite of faith is fear.
I spoke with my sponsor. I told her that I wanted to give my husband a tool box, like we have, with the steps and fellowship and conscious contact with a Higher Power. My sponsor explained that my Higher Power tapped me on the shoulder and guided me to AA. I was carried, really carried through my first 90 days. That was my Higher Power. My husband has to hit his emotional bottom, he needs to be tapped on the shoulder by his Higher Power. And just like no one could tell me when it was time to stop drinking, no one can tell my husband how to work through his issues.
I can either be filled with all kinds of really awful feelings and crazy thoughts. Or I can keep reminding myself to have faith, that there is a loving, knowing power so much much much greater than I can even conceive. If I stay with my program, and keep my faith I will be okay.
5 comments:
what you need now is time. time for things to settle down. emotionally and practically. i wish i could give it to you....
Staying in the day will help darlin'.
It's awfully hard on those around us when we get sober. They've had to tip toe for SO LONG, that it sort of feels good to them to get to STOMP some. This is just part of the deal..."Everything will be fine in the end...if it's not fine now, then it's not the END" (old saying)
PS: when you leave a comment, there is no way to click on your name...to get back to your blog. I think you need to adjust something in your profile. Like -Enable something.
Your sponsor is right, you CANNOT do someone eles' recovering for them. I understand about being alone in your head. Get to meeting, call your sponspor(like you did) pray and pray somemore.
I don't like being alone with my own thoughts. It's like being alone with a crazy person.!!!!!! LOL
Have you been reading my mind lately? I very much agree that turning to HP is the answer for all of our dilemmas. And for the record, know that you are loved by Him, and me too!
Walk slowly and drink lots of water.
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