Somewhere in New Jersey at an AA meeting today:
Me: I'm 4 classes away from my masters and my workout and meeting schedules are all bolluxed up. I have to put my sobriety first and sometimes being an alcoholic just sucks. WAH, WAH, WAH...
F: I learned a lot more from AA than I did from my masters degree.
As I'm walking to my car from the meeting, J. who's moving into a shelter tomorrow says. "Yea, doesn't being an alcoholic suck sometimes? But your sobriety is a gift. I was sober for 18 years and I started to drink again, and for the life of me I can't get sober again."
Later that same day:
Me to my sponsor: I was stressing out about how to do everything I want to do, and be a good mom, and put my sobriety first. Then I remembered that I have a Higher Power and I don't have to worry about all that stuff. I can trust my Higher Power that everything's going to be ok.
My sponsor: Yup, that's right. And what takes you away from AA will be taken away from you by alcohol.
I was being an ungrateful brat. I was jeopardizing my sobriety. I was trying to run the show. I am grateful beyond words to be a part of AA and to get my butt kicked back in line today. Sobriety is a process.
5 comments:
Wow...yeah, I love your blog. Hang in there, sweetie. It seems like you're doing a better job at trying and succeeding than most people I know. God bless you. I'm going to pray for you tonight.
Little revalations along the way..is one of the surprise gifts of sobriety. you're doing great!
yikes, 18 years sober and then... makes me wonder if i'll ever get away from it. nooooo!!!! that's too depressing. YES I WILL, YES WE ALL WILL!!!!!!!!!!!
It's all a learning process of what is our purpose. You are doing so well. The only time I ever finished a course was while I was sober. These are the gifts but I know that I have to keep my recovery first.
Hey there Clarity! I have learned that if I truly take it One Day at a Time, there is rarely a day that I am ungrateful! The sobriety thing only gets better if we keep trekking and learning and changing...
You are a miracle, and much loved, be gentle to you!
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