My obsession to drink has been lifted (for now). But I know it is patient, waiting for me to let my guard down. I can keep that obessesion at bay by being patient and not procrastinating. When I am closely connected with my Higher Power I am content and serene. When I'm losing my patience easily, I need to find my spiritual center.
Like many people, I procrastinate about things I don't want to do or that I find unpleaseant. For example, I'm pretty shy and sometimes I put off RSVP'ing to my son's friends' birthday parties. I put it off and put it off because I'm uncomfortable making that phone call. Then I start to feel stressed because it's getting closer and closer to the party date and this mom still doesn't know if my child's attending the party. Simple things like that I procrastinate about!!! Duh! When I do that, I'm messing with my contentment and serenity. Can you imagine the lather I can get myself into when it's something really bad and uncomfortable?
In sobriety, I've noticed the way I feel physically when I'm inpatient or I procrastinate. I wasn't really aware of these physical sensations when I was drinking. For me, recognizing these sensations and working to act in a way that minimizes them is a growth process. This is the type of growth I was hoping to find in recovery. It's still early days and I'm already evolving towards the person I would like to be.
"Established on such footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn". BB, Chapter 5, pg. 63
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8 comments:
Thanks for stopping by and leaving such very kind comments. Blogging is just another of the infinite supply of tools we have at our disposal. Keep it up and Keep Coming Back.
LOL
Gawd...I sooo relate. First I put off phone calls so some unknown reason until I feel so guilty that then its twice as hard to call...and second I prefer to procrastinate anything that is uncomfortable. What I have learned is to do just a little thing, early in the day, call it my "little victory" (kinda like a baby step) and let that be enough sometimes. Keep trudging Clarity, it gets easier.
Yup, totally with you on the procrastination thing. I get myself sooo worked up, for what? Usually I feel better after getting the stuff done that I was putting off...go figure!
Glad to know I'm not the only one who does this!
Love and HUGS
I love what you wrote about being aware of the physical sensation of impatience and procrastination.
Wow, what a great, great post! I can so relate to ALL of it -- the being shy thing, the phone calls --wow, ALL of it. Thanks for giving me some more ways to get this inside of me and not just in my head.
Peace,
Scout
Oh girl...I am so with you on these feelings!
When my kids were little,the reason I had such a hard time responding to things like birthday parties...is because I always felt like so much "less than" the other mothers..Alcoholism warps our minds that way. Just keep staying in the day!!!
hey girl, what is you email address?
Just stumbled across your blog after all these months and am so happy for you that you've got 2+ months sobriety! Congratulations!
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