My trigger, my son

Sorry this is a little long, and this is the abridged version...haha...

My oldest son L. just turned eight. He is intense. VERY, VERY intense. He has been this way since the second he popped out of my body. He was never really able to soothe himself as a baby and it's sort of continued to this day. This is a MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR trigger for me.

My son has been assessed as "gifted". This is great, but it is also a curse. I think one of the reasons he's gifted is because he takes a lot in. He has invisible feelers, he can pick up on the tension or the joy in a room. He grasps things easily and remembers everything! But it's a burden for him because he feels things intensely. He has moments where he gets "the thing", which is an overwhelming feeling of sadness or worry or anxiety or all of these emotions at the same time. I talk him "off the ledge" so to speak, or I have him draw a picture about it (which has resulted in him being a really great artist) or other things to calm him down. I held him back a year in school because emotionally he was not ready, he was hitting himself in preschool when he got stressed.

I will do anything for my kids and I've gone to great lengths to help my son. Books, therapy sessions, anything, etc. etc. I used to pray for HP to take from me whatever it took to help my son feel good and at peace and to please help my son.

My son is in a tailspin about something right now. Last night I talked to my therapist about it and I'm getting really, really sick of people telling me shit like, let him know you love him, give him reassurance, set limits, talk it out, don't talk it out with him blah blah blah. Eight years I've been doing whatever I can for this kid and it is never enough. His need is bottomless. No matter how much I give, it is never enough for him and he sucks me dry. I am left utterly spent. I need acknowledgment that his needs are special and unique and not the run of the mill bullshit you can hear on Oprah for Pete's sake.

My therapist says maybe he's anxious because I was drinking and couldn't address his needs. Bullshit. And I say no I didn't drink like this eight years ago. I did not drink then to check out. When my son is "off" it's a trigger for me. I'm looking for a way in sobriety to deal with it instead of checking out with a bottle of wine. For fuck sake!

I have a brother with a similar disposition. He was diagnosed as bi-polar or schizophrenic or a combo of the two. I haven't seen or spoken to my brother in three years. He doesn't want me and my other brothers to know where he is because he paranoid. I check the John Doe's in the state where I think he's living to see if there are any unclaimed bodies that might be my brother. He breaks my heart.

I am scared shitless that my son is going to take his first drink and FINALLY be able to soothe himself and become an alky like me, or he'll end up being committed like my brother was. My son is terrific and has a lot of really great qualities, but when something bothers him, it rocks his whole world. When his world is rocking, so is mine. I am too emeshed with him, I feel his pain and hurts.

Sorry for the long rant, I want the peace of mind, acceptance, spiritual solution many of you have found in sobriety. It's the only way I can deal with this particular trigger. I had no desire to drink over this yesterday. 75 kickass sober days!