Early this week, my sponsor told me about a "sober family gathering-baby meeting" that her sponsor's sponsor and friends were having today. At first I told her I might go. Then she told me this gathering was taking place in Manhattan. I told her I wasn't so sure I could make it. She told me that everyone would be going to a meeting after the gathering, but we would just head home and skip the meeting.
After a lot of thought, I decided to skip this gathering. I felt that I would only be attending this gathering in response to pressure from my sponsor to do so. I was torn because I want our relationship and my relationship with my "sober family" to work out. By sober family I mean my sponsor's other sponsees, her sponsor and her sponsor's sponsees, my "grand sponsor" etc. We all go to a lot of the same meetings, and we often speak with each other during the week. We all go to a 7:30 meeting on Saturday morning and then our "family" meets and has our own BB meeting.
I am starting a summer course towards my master's degree in two weeks. I only have three or four classes to go to finish this program. This course will be intense and I will be working my ass off, especially on the weekends. I wanted to spend time with my family today, because once this course starts, I am not going to have free time on the weekends.
I explained this to my sponsor. She wasn't so nice about it. She said that she would like to spend time with her family today, too. But that we were strongly, strongly encouraged to attend this gathering. She also told me that if I didn't attend these types of gatherings, my family wouldn't have me around to spend anytime with at all. But that I could decide if I wanted to take her advice or not.
I'm a little pissed off that she didn't respect my boundaries on this one. I'm committed to my recovery and I take her up on her suggestions. If I wasn't taking a course this summer, I would have attended the gathering despite the fact that it's on a Sunday afternoon (what I consider family time). Am I in the dog house now with my whole "sober family"? If so, am I going to have to find a whole new group of meetings? Is my sponsor going to respect my boundaries? Does she expect me to blindly follow her instructions no matter what my gut tells me?
She wants me to call her everyday. If I have nothing to say, I can just leave a message that says, "Hi, it's me and I'm an alcoholic". Do I want to do this? Nope, but I will. I'll go to meetings when I don't want to. I'll do a lot of things I don't want to, but not when I tell her "No, I'm not going to do that". Does that mean I'm not willing to go to any lengths? Does that mean I'm doomed for relapse? I sure as hell hope not.
3 comments:
you know, when I am making a decision like that all I can really do is "check my motives" and ask myself if the alternative activity is contributing to my spirituality and sobriety also. It sounds like in this case your decision was a good one. Your sponsor may have been mistaken (which is good, it proves she is human ). I'm glad you instinctively knew to gently stick to your boundries. The important thing now is to continue to deal with the issue with dignity and grace. Your side of the street is clean.
I don't feel like it's my place to get involved in this, BUT ...
I agree with meg.
Yeah, me too. As far as program goes I am willing to take my sponsors advice, it is usually right on track. I think though that you made a good decision for you and your family, to spend time together, and the program is supposed to give us back these special times right?
Peace and love to you Clarity
Post a Comment