I'm not sure why, but for some reason I started crying at the meeting today, and I couldn't stop. It has something to do with my friend D. We did a lot of drinking together, of course I was always more drunk and more out of control.
She has seen me bloodied and bruised from drinking, literally. She has spoken with my husband when he didn't know what the hell to do about my downward spiral. She spoke to me while I was in the ER as a result of my drinking. She did not have a problem being on the scene when I was a mess.
But now that I am attempting to get my act together, she doesn't want to know from me. I don't understand why. I heard from our mutual friend that D's marriage is still in the shitter, but that she's staying in it unless she meets Mr. Right who will love her and her kids.??? Huh? I feel very, very bad and very sad that her marriage is still a mess and that her kids are in the middle of it all the time. She is very unhappy about her life and also she is depressed about her relationship with me. It's just not the same anymore, we rarely speak. I don't want it to be like it used to be though, I'm not depressed about that.
Not to get bogged down with gory details, but I was with her the last time I drank. We got in a fight because she wanted to go home and I wanted to stay out drinkinkg. The next morning, I didn't remember the details of the fight, just that we had one about drinking. It was then I decided to go to AA and address my "drinking problem".
We spoke about our fight and I thought we were okay. But she doesn't want to hear about my sobriety, or what getting sober is like or anything for that matter. She doesn't seem to be able to handle the fact that I'm not drinking. And I don't know why I couldn't stop crying about it at the meeting today.
PS-Sober family and I are alright, I have not been disowned. :)
9 comments:
Your blog is very interesting.
Bye bye
Your blog is very interesting.
Bye bye
Alas, I am still somewhat of a newcomer so I have no words of wisdom for you. But I can tell you from my own experrience that relationships change a ton when we get clean. It's like we fit together with people in a puzzle and when one of the pieces changes (for even a positive reason), the puzzle isn't complete in the way it was before or one of the pieces has moved to a different spot. I have several old friends who simply do not want to hang out with me anymore despite the fact they are supportive of my recovery. It just doesn't work somehow for them. I guess they just can't see the new picture in the puzzle. It's really painful and I "get" your tears -- I really do.
Have you tried talking to her directly about it?
Peace to you, woman,
Scout
More shall be revealed.
Listen to Scout. she is a smart cookie. Most of my friends stay away from me now also that I am sober. but that is better for me. Time for me to worry about my soberity
peace
hugs and kisses
Steve
AW,Clarity, I have cried tears like that too. For me, it was the realization that I was doing what was right for me and some people are threatened by that. I had a gurl who I thought was a really good friend once, I had relapsed during our friendship. What got to me was that she didn't really want anything to do with me before I started using, then she judged me for my behaviours when I was drinking again. After I stopped (for good, I hope) we lost our friendship, she once again was very judgemental- about losing my child to CAS, and even said "what, ya want a doggy biscuit for staying sober?" Ouch.
I know it hurts a lot, but if we keep on healing US, all of the rest will get better too. You are doing WONDERFUL- accept that today!
love and HUGS
Hey Clarity
Thanks for your good wishes at my place.
One thing that amazed me in my early AA days was that men and women alkies aren't too different (apart from the obvious body oparts!). I really felt for you, reading about D and what have you.
Thanks for helping me stay sober another day.
Have my fave brackets :-D not everyone gets square brackets...
[[[HUG]]]
Kenny x
yeah, more will be revealed. You've heard the expression "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly"? Well, maybe you are supposed to walk the path ahead if her. No matter, take care of yourself, and reach out to the newcomer with only a few days , so you will be ready if your friend ever reaches ou to you.
Thanks to all of you for picking me up and dusting me off. You are all so wise and kind and I feel so much better after reading your comments.
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