I don't know why my husband has been giving me such aa attitude and cold shoulder lately. He acted like this when I drank and he used my drinking as an excuse to be a venomous snake to me. I even said to him, what are you going to do with all that venom when I get sober? He's very passive-aggressive so I can surmise that he's got his knickers in a twist, but I can only guess at the cause of the twistedness. He says he's been an angel and has no idea what I'm talking about.
Do spouses get left behind in sobriety? Is he invested in my failure? Does he want me to succeed at sobriety? Can he evolve with me? Can I stay with him if he doesn't? Does he even want to evolve? What's it like to be in a long-term relationship with someone who's not on some sort of spiritual path?
I'm just putting that all out into the universe, so that it's not in my head while I try to write my final paper for my summer class tonight.
6 comments:
i've asked those very same questions at times. obviously any change in a relationship causes strain. mostly it's that hubby says the drinking thing is over and done with and i need to forget it and carry on. for me it's still very much a daily struggle. it's hard, especially when i'm still dealing with all these feelings of guilt as well...
Whew -- I do know relationships can change a TON when someone gets clean.....
find someone with experience in this area and reach out to them.
Peace,
Scout
Chapters 8 & 9 of the Big Book, pages 104-135 should answer all questions you may have.
Take good care. These things are tricky.
Definitely ch8&9. Good stuff there. "Whether the family goes on a spirtual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. The others must be convinced of his new status beyond the shadow of doubt. Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker" BB p135
It takes time for the patterns of your relationship to change.
Hey thanks everyone for your suggestions and support. My hubby's venomous behavior has been there all along. I drank to combat/deal with it, now that I'm not drinking, I have the wisdom to know it's someting I can't change, but I don't know if I can serenly accept his behavior any more. Makes sense?
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