Lately, I've been unsettled with my sobriety and it all came to an ugly head yesterday. There's a sick part of me that is trying to convince the rest of me and anyone who will listen that I'm not an alcoholic.
Yesterday, the 4th of July celebrations caught me by surprise. I found myself wanting a drink, almost as much as I wanted to breath. I was in an awful place. Really awful. My sponsor's away and I figured everyone was busy and I didn't want to call to bother them.
My hands started to shake and I started to cry. I hit my knees and prayed. I prayed for guidance. And for this internal struggle to subside. What happened to the acceptance I had a while ago? I started to read my BB. And then my phone rang.
It was another woman in the program who wanted to know what my plan was to stay sober that day. I told her I didn't have one, I was floundering, white knuckling etc. She told me to come with my kids and husband to a BBQ being held by another woman in the program. We went, I was still crying. And another person from AA showed up, and then someone called him who didn't have a plan, and he came over. There ended up to be about 7 people in the program there. I was literally surrounded by people with solid sober time.
I felt so safe there. I was able to relax. I am grateful beyond words. I am awed at how this program works. I am awed at the power of prayer.
4 comments:
I hear you girl...your HP led you exactly where you were supposed to be. Thanks for sharing, love your honesty.
~Shugrr
hey! i'm so glad you coped and distracted yourself and managed it! that feeling can be so overwhelmingly dominant at times, it's crazy. 2 things work for me: postpone, postpone, postpone and distract yourself. you did great!!!!
Your prayers were answered! There is that part of us that makes excuses for not reaching out. I know it so well, It wants to keep us sick. What you did was awesome, you are working the programme when you get down on your knees and surrender. I know a short while ago that action whould have never entered my mind when I had the desire to drink. I'm glad you're safe. big hugs!!
It never ceases to amaze me..that God absolutly WILL DO FOR US what we can't do for ourselves...AND YOU..took action, and did all the right things..GREAT!!!
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