Hey haven't had much say lately. Lost my acceptance and starting wondering if I was really an alky. I told one of my brothers and a friend or two that I'm not so sure I'm an alky. But they all seemed pretty certain that I am. Pretty funny, how I can be so unsure about what seems pretty obvious to everyone else. But I'm confident I am today.
What sucks worse, so much worse, than being an alcoholic is being on the fence and thinking that you're not, but also knowing that you are. And wanting to drink and knowing that you can't. It's just much easier when I accept that I'm an alcoholic and just cant drink.
Being on the fence like that feels like hell and just sucks the life out of me. I'm praying for rock solid acceptance so I don't have to be on that damn fence.
1 comment:
that's the deviousness of dependency. it's able to convince us that we are not alcoholics, when in actual fact we KNOW different. thinking back to rehab, that's the primitive part of our brain taking over, the instinctive, self-gratification part... concentrate on thinking with your higher brain, the logical, rational part.
sounds crazy and almost impossible to do, i know. i was there a couple of weeks ago. but between postponing, postponing and postponing, it eventually kicked in, and i managed to avoid that drink.
thinking about you!!!
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