My husband's friend from England is visiting us for about a week. There is beer in the fridge. I've been alone in the house with the beer a couple of times. We went to dinner and my husband and his friend shared a bottle of wine in addition to beers. Seriously, tears came to my eyes when they asked for the wine list.
I went to my friend's house today. She knows I'm in the program. Her and her hubby were having beers. I've been around alcohol a lot lately. It's okay, I don't want to drink. Right this minute.
Sometimes a sick part of my brain thinks that in about a year, when I have my act together I can drink again. But when I think it through, I don't want to have A DRINK I want to GET DRUNK. I know that one drink would feel so good, that I would have to be put in a straight jacket to not have another drink. I saw my sponsor at a meeting and told her I was doing just fine. Then I mentioned my sick thoughts. She just laughed and said "Your disease is one of the twisted and sneakiest bastards I've ever come across and you are definitely an alcoholic, don't move out of that chair, because you NEED to be here!! And why do you tell me you're fine, when you think you can go out and drink after a year in the AA program?"
I'm going to share my sick thoughts at every meeting I go to, to break that bastard's back!
4 comments:
hey! i'm there too. i'm around alcohol, and although i don't want to drink, i get p@##ed off that i'm not able to drink if i want to... sick, sick mind, this mind of mine....
Good for you.
I don't think you can go to too many meetings. I know I can't. Try going to a meeting every time you have those nasty thoughts, just to balance things out.
tell your mind you have a better plan....I love your blog!
sober hugs, first of all... I love your honesty second of all! I am grateful to hear that you want to tell on your disease. Sometimes, it just get sthat crazy and that's what we have to do!
Good for you!
God Bless!
Post a Comment