Reading recovery blogs is what finally got me into the rooms. Lately, I've been thinking I'm not an alcoholic anymore, that I can drink like a normal person, etc. etc. I'm still going to meetings and doing all the other stuff that my sponsor tells me to do. But I have been staying away from recovery blogs and just like the rest of the AA program, I don't know how, but reading others blogs and sharing my own demented thoughts is really important to my sobriety.
The only reason I'm thinking I can drink normally is because I'm 4 months sober now and the shitstorm I lived in while drinking isn't as immediate. But I knew for months, maybe even a year that drinking was destroying me and that I'd have to stop, before I finally quit drinking. I really am insane to disregard all that and in a matter of a couple weeks think that I'm okay now. I know all I have to do is have a drink and I will prove to myself and everyone around me why I do really belong in AA.
I can't even believe that I would even consider having a drink when things are finally going well and I am not filled with hopelessness and self-loathing. Cunning, baffling and powerful.
10 comments:
Hi there my gurl friend! You inspired me to make a special post today, so if you have a chance, come back and see!
Lovin' ya lots today
oh I know what you mean...the shit storm is out there waiting for us!
Our disease is fighting to keep us. The 'weller' you get the more it will fight for you, in subtle ways, like you're ok now, you can have one drink. Or, you're not really an alcoholic. Anyway it can, it will keep trying to take you back. Next time you have those thots, think it all the way thru, to the consequences. Think about your bottom....stay diligent on the steps, the meetings, talking to your sponsor. Also know that, 'this too shall pass'.
There's a cliche which goes "we who forget the past are condemned to repeat it".
Or "insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting the results to be different".
And don't forget "cunning, baffling, powerful (and patient)".
Of course you already know all this.
It's not unlike a person who is prescribed antibiotics. They feel better so they don't finish out their medication. You know the end of the story.
My friend lushgirl asked me to drop by so here I am.
I'm Ann, recovered alcoholic, mom, grandmother, and great-granny raising 3 adolescent great-granddaughters.
I came into AA when I was 41 and I'll be 70, Lord willing, on my next birthday. I don't write a recovery blog as such but my whole life is about recovery.
I wish you well. The link will take you to my silly family blog and my email is always available.
Hang in there.
Hugs
Ann (aka granny)
Some people won't like me saying this, but ...
Why don't you go do some controlled drinking for a few days or weeks. Drink as you have always done.
Then report back to us. It'll help me stay sober.
Hmm Dave, No need for me to go out and drink, like I said, I already know that I will just be proving that I DO belong in AA. The part I don't get is why? Why do some people go all the way to the bottom and then STILL think they can drink normally? I don't even WANT to drink, I crave the IDEA of a drink like craving a cigarette, but once you smoke it, it's not even enjoyable. There's a liquor store on the corner and I can go buy some wine anytime I want to. Thanks for helping me stay sober.
heeey, I can relate to what you're saying. once the pain subsides, the memories of it subside as well, and "maybe everything wasn't as bad as I made it out to be..." that's one of my classic "here we go again" lines...
this alcoholic/addict (me) is a slow learner and a fast forgetter... so, even when the shit gets all the way thru the fan, Ihave to keep coming back and remember that there are simply mroe consequences and shit storms awaiting me if I choose to drink today. I can improve nothing by taking the first drink, nothing. That's the fact of life for me.
It's nice to meet ya, hang in there and try not to listen to the stuff between your ears!
God Bless!
I've had a 2 relapses and it always started with the idea that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic. The alcoholic mind forgets how bad it was and we have this illusion that we will be OK. It happens to many of us. The mind says "Just one or two drinks", even if when you hear that, another side of your brain is saying thats absurd. It's that mental obsession that occurs and can be so powerful that it can kill us. The solution is power, I have managed to find a power strong enough to combat that obsession by doing the steps. I call it my higher power and it gets stronger as I work through the 12 steps. I have to keep it up though otherwise I know that mental obession will breakthrough again. I wish you all the best...
Alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful... also patient and CRUEL.
After 16 years of sobriety, at a preschool of all places, at a social wine-and-cheese thank-the-parents type night, I had an enormous craving for alcohol. My first desire to drink in I don't know how long. Years. It was frightening and eye-opening. It reminded me that I need to keep working my program today and not let working on myself slip every so subtly like I've been guilty of from time to time.
You're catching this now. That's a great thing! Yes it's cunning, baffling and powerful. But you have a choice to stay sober today and that's exactly what you're doing. You can continue to beat this disease a day at a time.
I'm also a friend of Lushgurl's. I have three growing boys and a blog that reflects such. Nothing terribly insightful there, just a few laughs. But I do love recovery blogs, too. I'll keep coming back t yours! Have a wonderful 24 hours :)
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